Omnia Discordia

KNOW YE THIS O FAITHFUL FOLLOWER
AND CELEBRATORY CELEBRANT!^*

from The Golden Apple Corps' Manual of Mirth, Mayhem, and Morale; Vol. 00005

For those so inclined, declined, or reclined,
pick the most appropriate for your day:

1. Sweetmorn

   Arise as thou wilt. Have some morsel of your favorite munch (or brunch), chew on it with delight, praising Eris with your mouth full:

   HAIL ERIS! GODDESS OF THE DAYS!
   LICK ME ON THIS SWEETMORN DAY!
   BE SURE I TASTE ALL NICE AND TASTY AND STUFF LIKE HOT FUDGE ON TOAST!^oooo1
   SLURP!

   Then, if thou wilt, spend some time reflecting on Commandment I of The Pentabarf:

   I - There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess.
   There is no Erisian Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is The Erisian Movement.
   And each of The Golden Apple Corps is the beloved home of a Golden Delicious Golden Worm.

   Notable Sweetmorns:
   
   
   • Syaday
   • Confuflux
   • April 1
   • February 5

2. Boomtime

   Arise as early as possible (5 am is ideal, 2 am is a close second), break out the megaphone, and play the 1812 Overture as you stomp about the neighborhood and shout in praise:

   HAIL ERIS! GODDESS OF THE DAYS!
   BOOM ME, BABY! BOOM ME ON THIS BOOMING BOOMTIME DAY!
   LIKE A GREAT BIG KETTLE DRUM FULL OF NITROGLYCERINE!
   BOOM!

   Then, after a nap, spend some time reflecting on Commandment II of The Pentabarf:

   II - A Discordian Shall Always use the Official Discordian Document Numbering System^oooo2. Or not.

   Notable Boomtimes:
   
   
   • Maladay
   • Afflux
   • Multiversal Underwear Day

3. Pungenday

   Arise early (-ish, before noon is usually seen as polite, but it's not set in stone or anything, so don't worry about it unduly). Be sure you haven't bathed since last Pungenday, throw open your doors, windows, what-have-yous, and praise Eris loudly thus:

   HAIL ERIS! GODDESS OF THE DAYS!
   SNIFF ME ON THIS PUNGENDAY! BE SURE I WHIFF SUITABLY,
   LIKE A MANGY BADGER'S ARSE AFTER A LONG SAUNA!
   WOOF!

   Then, if not wilted, spend some time reflecting on Commandment III of The Pentabarf^oooo3:

   III - A Discordian is Required during his early Illumination to Go Off Alone & Partake Joyously
   of a Hot Dog on a Friday; this Devotive Ceremony to Remonstrate against the popular
   Paganisms of the Day:
   
   

   • of Catholicism (no meat on Friday)
   • of Judaism (no meat of Pork)
   • of Hinduism (no meat of Beef)
   • of Buddhism (no meat of Animals)
   • and of, of course, Discordianism (no Hot Dog Buns).

   Notable Pungendays:
   
   
   • Mojoday
   • Discoflux
   • June 27

4. Prickle-Prickle

   Arise early enough to disturb the Catma and scare the Dogma, get a large (no, larger, let's not get wussy now) cactus^oooo4, and prick yourself all over shouting:

   OUCH! YEOWCH! AARGH! ERIS YOU BITCH! SORRY, GODDESS OF THE DAYS!
   TOUCHA! TOUCHA! TOUCHA! TOUCH ME! ON THIS PRICKLE-PRICKLE DAY!
   LIKE THE STING OF THE WHOLLY-KWEEN-CHAO-BEE ON A HOT SUMMERS DAY!
   OW, MY SPLEEN!

   Then, during medical treatment, spend some time reflecting on Commandment IV of The Pentabarf:

   IV - A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was the Solace of Our Goddess
   when She was Confronted with The Original Snub.

   Notable Prickle-Prickles:
   
   
   • Zaraday
   • Bureflux

5. Setting Orange

   Arise, and arise again, just before sunset, pour yourself a large tequila sunrise^oooo5, wear your grandest hat or fanciest fascinator, your dressing gown, your most holey underpants & socks, and announce thusly:

   HAIL ERIS! GODDESS OF THE DAYS!
   LOOK upon ME AS I LOOK UPON YOU ON THIS SETTING ORANGE DAY!
   I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS WEAK WEEK, SEE YOU SWEETMORN!
   GOOD NIGHT!

   Then, during medical treatment, spend some time reflecting on Commandment V of The Pentabarf:

   V - A Discordian is Prohibited of Believing What he Reads,
   or its corollary, A Discordian is Entitled to Believing What they Write.

   Notable Setting Oranges:
   
   
   • Mungday
   • Chaoflux

--> <--

*Few know that celebration is a portmanteau of Celery Be Rations, a quite common phrase from antiquity.
^oooo1If reducing sugar in the diet, feel free to substitute "FRANKS AND BEANS ON TOAST" for "FUDGE ON TOAST".
^oooo2This numbering system ain't just for documents, btw.
^oooo3Or bathe. Lather, rinse, repeat five times before the next Prickle-Prickle.
^oooo4Getting, or giving, a tattoo is a reasonable and acceptable substitute.
^oooo5Tell everyone it is a tequila sunset. Or make one of those. Or don't. You do you.

Some info excerpted from https://discordia.fandom.com/wiki/Category:Weekdays organized, reorganized, edited, editorialized, modernized, and expanded upon. Discrepancies may occur.

Posted this Setting Orange, the 60th day of Chaos in the YOLD 3190

Protocl No.1 - Protocl No.2 - Protocl No.3 - Protocl No.4 - Protocl No.5