March 4, 2000

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After my despairing post on March 3, 2000, yesterday turned out okay after all. I got my acceptance letter from Stanford. I don't intend to actually go there, but I was starting to feel unwanted. Especially as my SO was getting snapped up left and right by prestigious universities. Berkeley is even flying him out there. I felt both jealous and ashamed of being jealous. So, I feel much better now. Yay.

Today was the winter dance (rescheduled from January 29, 2000). I didn't go to it with kat2003; rather, i went with Emily, a very cool person vaguely described in February 28, 2000. She rather flagrantly flirted with a pimp... although i have no "claim" to her... ugh. I think that from now on I should just be platonic in my relationship with her. Now, I get to see if I can actually carry this out. I feel depressed. She asked me to the dance, and she did dance with me, but if i recall correctly she actually hugged him more than she did me, and, and, and,... I have a profound sense that I am not important.

Had a short conversation with that guy... he says that i can't take anything that Emily does personally.... I still don't know what to think, do, say, or feel.

It reminds me of a line... "Then let's get married and be... desperately unhappy together?"

Sure formula for getting depressed: read too much into any situation. I'll go to sleep now and hope I feel better in the morning.

Ah, today:

• i was harassed by a woman for work that i'm volunteering. She called me and woke me up, then called me every 15 minutes or so with changes to the newsletter, wanting to know when i would send it to her for the final edit. Everything went wrong. i put off printing it because we had to go get bridesmaids dresses.
• i am not shaped like a dress. my darling sister, on the other hand, is. this in no way makes me bitter, it just makes me not want to wear dresses.
• The cop kept talking about what a bad neighborhood we were in, as if we did not know. Who can help where the dress shop is, or that someone put a broken mug in the road where we parked, or that there was no wrench in the car to change the tire? Luckily there was a hardware store a few blocks down (all store signs inbetween in spanish). We think he was just racist.
• in the time i was gone, the woman left three messages onmy machine, that she'd called the photocopy place and i hand't been there: where was i? I am an understanding person, but really, get a life.
• everyone at Kinko's was inept or incredibly busy. The (very nice) girl with bright pink hair that rung me up told me that they'd just instituted a policy againt unnatural hair lengths, otherwise she would have shaven it. i had to get the newsletter photocopied there because i ran out of time to get to the place i was supposed to go.
• Rush, dash to the company New Year's party, where my uncle told a bad pun. Did you know that this is the most optimistic day of the year? March Fourth. Everyone was dressed to the nines and looked horrible, plus strangers everywhere in the shape of spouses. And my sister made me dance. Abdiel says i'm really good, but he's got a flattering tongue. My sister's boyfriend can break dance. I am fatigued.

sorry this is so long. it seemed like everything went wrong and i left out most of the details. i have had noder's block because of reasons mentioned in the anonymous honesty node.