Her: "No."
Me: "Huh?"
Her: "No! The President doesn't want pudding. He wants Jell-O."


Her: (sarcastically): "Yeah, or a FAX MACHINE."
Me: "What??"
Her: "A fax machine!"
Me: "What? Why are you talking about fax machines?!"
Her: "You brought it up!"

--Snowy (9/3/00)

"You better have gotten the pancake mix and the waffles for breakfast tomorrow, or I'm going to kick your ass."

--My friend's younger brother

(sits up)
"Stop chucking white shit at me!"
(attempts to wipe imaginary white shit off of himself)
(lays back down)


(sits up suddenly)
"I'm picking my nose."
(picks his nose)
"Okay, I'm done."
(lays back down)


"Oh yeah. I'm supposed to remind you. You have to pay for the food in the dream, or else it won't be there when you wake up."

--Snowy (9/12/00)

People have told me that I have said these things while asleep:

(I vaguely remember this conversation even though I was asleep)
Me: "Why is daddy talking to the mailman?"
Mom: "What do you mean? Your father is in there asleep."
Me: "Daddy is going to post office college to become a courier when I get back from the kennel"

"When I grow up, I don't want to be an ordinary stripper, stripping for money. I want to strip for potpourri!"

Me: "Yeah, the education sucks but the sex is great"
Friend: "What are you talking about?"
Me: "Mr. Scholl. He has some great sex tapes in his desk., Nancy does New York, Carla does Conneticut. Debbie Does Dallas..."
Friend: "Um..."
Me: "But MY favorite, starring Mr. Scholl and I.. was Aimee does Alabama"

I once had a friend spend the night at my house and we were watching lesbian porn on the Spice Channel. That night, I heard her saying something in her sleep like, "Aimee--I thought we agreed not to use your radio dildo because it made me hemmorhage."
... I never said anything to her about this in the course of our friendship.

Depending on how the pauses ran, it was either "Get off, Jocasta, it's my turn!" or "Get off Jocasta! It's my turn!"

My college roomate, after reading Oedipus

After 4 Hours of Quake 3

me (in hypnagogic state): Hey Allen, which team are you on?
roommate: Uh.....red team.
me: (scathingly) Pfft. Red team sucks.

My other roommate has the unusual habit of sleeping with his eyes open and there have been plenty of times that I've carried on short conversations with him even though he was far from conscious. A memorable one:

me: I'm going to the vending machine, August, how many cookies do you want?
him: ...unnh?
me: One? You sure you don't want two?
him: Tooo...
me: Ok, do you want anything to drink?
me: August???

I guess I was about 11 or 12 when one of my friends was sleeping over at our place. I woke up in the middle of the night, I don't know what woke me, but I saw my friend sitting up on his mattress. "What's up?", I asked him. He said "I hafta go home", and he stood up with eyes still closed. I told him, "Hey, you're sleep-walking, wake up and get back to bed". Then all of the sudden, he just takes off and runs at a closed door which took to the hallway. *BAM!* And he didn't even wake up! I got up and went to him, asked if he was ok and all. He was just mumbling something and holding his head. I put him back to bed and got back to sleep myself too. In the morning when I told him about this, he was sure I had made it all up.

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