A long time ago, under the shady tree in my yard, I was dead.
We had a
swing when I was
younger. It helped to pass the time in the
summer, along with the normal things boys do,
soccer,
baseball,
swimming,
Scouts, whatever sounds
good. On one particular day, my friends had gone home, or weren't
around, so I passed the time like I always would, swinging on a little
structure my dad made for us. The
weather and time had taken it's toll on those
chains, and perhaps I was swinging too aggressively that one day...
A long time ago, under the shady tree in my yard, I was dead.
A little piece of
metal kept me from life and
death on those days, and this fine summer day, it failed me. I flew as far as one could expect with such a
mechanism. A
sidewalk caught my body, my head hitting the stone hard. This
Earth did not keep me
prisoner any more at that moment, and I was free.
A long time ago, under the shady tree in my yard, I was dead.
I remember
the feeling I had... the
separation, the
awkwardness. I had new legs and new wings, but could not walk nor
fly. It was cold
inside, but the sun was warm as ever. It drew me
closer to itself.. I could feel it. A
deafening silence as my ears were no longer a part of me. Feelings,
internal senses, light and sense and vertigo and truth surrounded me, but no
hearing or
touch held me near. All that I was
spared was my
eyesight...
A long time ago, under the shady tree in my yard, I was dead.
A
shadow of my former
vision was lent to me. A body was there, on the
ground. A shape so
familiar to me, as it was
my own. Cold
shivers of
horror came over me as my
mortality was brought before me. My mind racing with thoughts of my untimely end was cleared to be given but one more
choice... Accept the
warmth from above, and let it quench the inner
coldness, or fight with all of your soul to take one more breath.
Is this God?
Is this the end? The question was muddy but the choice was clear....
A long time ago, under the shady tree in my yard, I was dead.
"NO! I don't want to die!
Too young..." Thoughts interrupted by other ones. Partial feelings of sorrow, regret, fear, but no
pain... My ability to feel physical pain was surrendered to this form I had come to inhabit. For once in my life I
searched for it... sought it
ought. "My body cannot be that far detached from me," I felt. My spirit felt week... "Must push. I will draw another breath...
I choose life, DAMMIT. Not yet, not now!"
A long time ago, under the shady tree in my yard, I was dead.
A gasp of air into my lungs... Noises
returning at first, getting louder, the sounds of life fill my newbound ears. The buzz of a hornet's nest
settling into my
brain. Dust-filled
air being gasped at for sheer life. The pavement under my head, damp with my
blood.
Pain... the
mortal pain I had longed for finally come back to me..
sharp and bitter, but
comforting all the while. I don't know how long I was dead for, but I know that was death now, as I did then. My parents never remembered that day, but I will never forget it. I have felt the urge to leave again
several times, but I have fought it, each with increasing
difficulty. It's an interesting feeling to know your spirit and feel life leave you and come back.
An ironic suggestion I'd give to anyone would be to die, just once, it leaves you
different. I've never been more alive, then when I was almost dead.
A long time ago, under the shady tree in my yard, I was dead.