Bloody Mary

clit clot

collywobbles

domestic afflictions

female trouble

flying the japanese flag

hammock is swinging

on the blob

out of order

be in the Red Sea

riding the cotton pony

Common:

• Having my period
• Having the cramps
• Having the curse
• Having my monthlies
• Time of the month
• Having my 'women's thing'
• Bleeding
• I'm 'on' (my sister's contribution)

Vulgar:

• I'm flowing
• I'm leaking
• I'm sledging (refers to wearing a sledge)
• I'm filming the Parting of the Red Sea (my favourite)

French:

• Ma tante Rose a débarqué (Aunt Rosie's arrived)
• J'ai mes ours (literally: I have my bears)

 

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Now add yer own...

on the rag.
riding the crimson tide.
laying the robin's egg.
stuffed with cotton. (I hate that one)
in the light blue spectrum. (referencing bc pills)

My grandparents, Ruth and Don, recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary, and my sister's fiance (who has performed at Yuk Yuk's) got up to say a few things. He was saying that Don had to put up with almost 50 years of trying to figure out what time of the month it was - women have so many different names for it (most are already listed above). But the funniest part was when he said:

"I'm sure after six kids, Ruth just called it 'the blessing'."

Here are some more euphemisms and slang terms to add to the list:

• Arts and crafts week at panty camp
• Surfing the crimson tide/ wave
• Rebooting the ovarian operating system
• Decorating the box with red roses
• Tom's here ("Tom"= Time Of the Month)
• Lady in the red dress
• Red letter day
• Having the painters in
• Massacre at the Y
• Playing the banjo in Sgt. Zygote's Ragtime Band
• Trolling for vampires
• Wearing the red shoes
• Cherry is in sherry
• Dishonourable discharge from the Uterine Navy
• Country cousin is here
• Taking Carrie to the prom
• Becoming a woman
• Curse of Eve

Variations on those offered by knifegirl and P_I:

• Aunt Ruby is visiting
• The Red Sea is in

Some of these are from womensforum.com, others have been collected by friends and I over years of monthly bleeding from the nether region.