This whole Santa Claus thing seems an awful conspiracy by the dark side...
First off, the name - Santa Claus is a lame anagram of Satan Lucas
Lucifer - Lucas, Potayto - Potahto
In the alphabetic code :
S+A+N+T+A = 19+1+14+20+1 = 55
C+L+A+U+S = 3+12+1+21+19 = 56
55 + 56 = 111
In case you are confused, thats the Number of the BEAST!!!
Yeah it's true!!! 1 is the new 6
Then, he claims to live in the north pole i.e. the coldest place : This is just a lame ruse to divert attention from the real place he lives - the hottest place a.k.a. hell.
Ever wonder why Santa wears a red dress? It's because when he's done with the nasty business, he can wipe his hands on the dress and no one's the wiser.
Even the beasts he allegedly travels on - reindeer is an anagram of "DIE! EERRN!!!", sounds heard frequently in his dominion.
Look at his agenda - the whole gifts and Christmas tree thing detracts from the real point - The "Jesus was born this day" stuff.
Further cinematic proof : Adam Sandler starred as Little Nicky, the spawn of satan - If he was little then obviously Big Nicky, his dad, is none other big Nicholas a.k.a. Saint Nicholas who was a fake identity established by Beelzebub to implant the Santa propaganda.
Moreover the seven deadly sins he promotes during the holiday season:
- Greed - "Dear Santa, I want a brand new X-Box 360, and a mountain bike and folding skateboard and the entire super mutant morph ranger alien killer commando ninja death troopers set. P.S. Also a pony."
- Sloth - "Hey, can you kids shovel the driveway, before Dad gets home?" , "Aw!!! I don't wanna! It's Christmas! And the Ultimate Sailor Moon Christmas marathon is on TV!"
- Gluttony - Christmas cake, Christmas cookies, Christmas ham, Christmas pudding, Christmas candy, must I go on?
- Lust - All those long legged, short skirted young things playing "Santa's elves" (anagram - "SATAN VESSEL") around the malls and on TV.
- Wrath - "Open your present dear!" , RRRRIIIP... , "What's this? A PS3? But I wanted a WII!!! How could you do this to me!! My life is ruined!! I hate you all! I wish you die!!"
- Envy - "Did you see the size of the necklace John gave Linda?", "Yeah! And she was parading it around wearing that awful expensive Ralph Lauren dress that makes her look like a turkey. God! I just hate that woman."
- Pride - "Kids! Honey! This year were gonna blow away the whole neighborhood!. I don't care if I have to chop down the General Sherman tree, but we are going to get the best damn tree possible and make ourselves proud!"
I rest my case!
If you were offended by the above ...
Wait a minute...
Googling for Satan vs Santa gives 2 million results, some seem to actually quote real evidence about the common roots of both legends.
Oolong has read something similar in print too.
Maybe its not such a joke after all!
Also not surprising that the C! comes from a pagan noder!