"Instead of wastead gifts around
Instead of losing all we have
Instead of dreaming of a man you'll never have
You'd better breathe with me and feel...
Instead of planning and debating
Instead of shaping my own dream
Instead of dreaming of a son you'll never have
You'd better breathe with me and feel...
You can buy me with a coffee
I'm so cheap...
Instead of letting distance talk
Instead of losing all we have
Instead ofdreaming of a man I'll never be
You'd better breathe with me and feel...
Instead of juding day and night
Instead of wasted time on both side
Instead of guessing what the hell went wrong with me
You'd better breathe with me and feel...
You can buy me wïth a coffee
I'm so cheap..."
These lyrics keep playing on and on inside my brain...My cortex is suffering from intoxicating noises that coming back again and again and polluting every activity that I try to do....
Yesterday,while we were at your place and studying for the big test that was today,I almost bursted into tears when I heard it...
What is it that you do to me? Do you have any clue how good it feels to be next to you? As if you are my adequate combination of exchange gases for all my body's cells to function optimally. I wake up and sleep with you inside my brain, I get up in the morning only to see you at the hospital,to be next to you, to share the same surface of quadrate meters, to hear your voice...I just can't and won't unstick you from my insides!
I gave you a massage while you were reading CP and AMI...
Then you suddenly told me that for the last 5 minutes you've been reading the same paragraph without even understanding a single letter from it...I was so ecstatic to hear that,you just can't imagine!My hands were shivering of nervousness and anxiety,because my inner viscera were turning into an amorphous organic soup,feeling that I never ever had before...
Scary, terrifying, might I add,but sweet and incredibly soothing for my poor little soul.
Enjoying this combination of endorphins which your presence released from the dark hollows of my hypothalamus and limbic system,my dreams went on,walking among clouds of happiness and sparkling dust of my microscopic joys.
I got tired.
My wings(actually "arms" but I like to use this as a synonym) hurt from all that muscle moulding...
I got back to my notebook and continued reading from where I'd abandoned.
You rose,and quickly went next room.
Then the music came...
Paying not much attention to what was happening,out of connection with reality,still enjoying the bits and crumbs of emotion left inside,I suddenly heard:
"You can buy me wïth a coffee
I'm so cheap..."
You love my special elixir-as you called it-coffee.
I couldn't control a tear from glimpsing out of the corner of my eye.
Luckily you weren't there!
Is this another secret message that you're trying to whisper?
Like when you bugged me into watching Αmélie?
Then I wrote you a letter -THAT LETTER - which explained it all.
You agreed with me.
I tried to tell you that I love you but I'm afraid.
I'm terribly scared of what might happen out of these feelings we're cherishing.
And also since HE tried to rape me,I'm afraid of even my own shadow coming in contact with my own skin.
I hope I'm not pushing you away.
But you understand.
You're always there for you little monkey.
You feel it too,don't you?
It's becoming more powerful by the second and you're afraid not
to hurt me because you might not control it anymore.
Is that it?
I've bought with you with my coffee?
You own me from long ago,but you just don't know it.
Yet.
Because, My Beloved Monster, your Beautiful Freak is experiencing the same ripping feelings...
I try and try to tell you,but I can't express it with words - and you know it! I'll use secret paths to reach the smallest distance between us.
It's like instead walking 2 meters to go to your bed,you jump out of your window and take a train,and then a plane, and only to encircle the Earth backwards to your bed.
My firewall of invisible protections against the cruel world won't let me!
Help me turn off my automatic updates!
Please insert a Trojan in a hidden data transfer and corrupt all my files...Infect all my directories and folders,steal my passwords,Oh! Please!