Benjamin Franklin once said "Alcohol is God's way of letting us know how much he loves us." It should then come as no surprise that it was a gang of monks that were inspired with the concocting of Buckfast. The stuff is magic.

It is true that the initiate must handle Buckfast with care, but once in the fold you will find that you never wish to return. Buckfast is drank to get drunk. It should be made clear that this is not the kind of stuff that one has a glass of with a nice steak. Prepare for a taste sensation comparable to cough medicine mixed with vodka. Takes a small bit of getting used to, but the accustomisation process is worth every bit of it.

The Buckfast drunk is potent and high octane. You are likely to perform rather bizarre acts in a perfectly controlled and reasonable way. It promotes good conversation, but care must be taken that gushing doesn't begin towards the end of the bottle. It provides an excellent partner to marijuana, with both offsetting each other wonderfully. Drunk, yet with it, yet crazy drunk. Strange?

Buckfast is also consumed enthusiastically in parts of West Ireland, notably Galway, where teenagers are executed if they have not imbibed their assigned quota before the legal drinking age. Best drank outside. Ideal scenario... summer evening, park bench by a river, some ducks, good company, twenty cigarettes... nice.

There are a few golden rules.

  1. Never drink more than one bottle in a night. This rule can be broken for special occasions, but it's not recommended. You can rule out sleeping and you'll feel like someone who lives next door the following day.
  2. Drink from the bottle. There are a few rogue glass users who can never hope to garner the respect of the Buckfast community.
  3. Cracking sequence:
    • Twist paper bag snugly around bottle.
    • Open lid. (Screw top - convenient... nice)
    • Clink. (Very important, all parties must be involved). You may feel free to add your 'signature' here, be it 'Cheers', 'Health', 'Get it down ya' or whatever you feel comfortable with.
    • First slug.
    • Exchange concerned glances with colleagues.
    • Smile.