I was on a stage in front of thousands of people during a rock concert, with my legs crossed, when I suddenly noticed the band playing on the stage was none other than the infamous Tool. Yes this was indeed strange to me, I immediately began to ask myself the questions of “How did I get here?” and “How come no security guards are pulling me off kicking and screaming?” Well I was soon distracted from my thoughts by the person behind me. She was asking me all sorts of weird questions (that I’m not willing, at this point, to go into) and some sort of church official was standing off in the corner making sure I didn’t do anything “naughty.”
Well, the band had just finished their great live version of Pushit (come to think of it, I believe I may have been listening to Salival before I fell asleep) and they just stood there, not really engaging the crowd, nor starting a new song. It seemed an eternity before they picked up the next song, which turned out to be some Metallica cover. I’m no fan of Metallica (well the singing at least) and I was preparing to go talk to Danny about it when I realized, “Hey now, this is Tool, Maynard can sing a hell of a lot better than that Metallica dude.” And so I let them continue uninterrupted.
All in all it seemed they were bored out of their minds throughout the entire performance and when they finally said goodnight the entire crowd dispersed outward in all directions. I asked one of the security dudes how the people had paid for tickets and he said that this was a charity performance for crippled people in Australia. It was then that I began to ponder how I had arrived in Australia in the first place and why my pants were down at my ankles…