Background : I was at a
party the
previous night. I was
attempting to be
sane at this party - I was just
going to
rrrrrelax, rather than do my
standard '
must... be... witty... and... charming!' act. The
result was outwardly the
same; I hardly
spoke unless
spoken to (usually caused by brain
deadlock, as I
sweat to come up with something funny to
say; that night, I just made myself accept that
I had nothing to say). I
left the party, drove to a
Wal-Mart parking lot, and
bedded down in my
car.
I had a tumor. Left frontal lobe, totally inoperable. Some sort of blood vessel ran right through the center of the growth. I was going around, crying, saying goodbye to friends, wondering why I had wasted so much time not talking.
I woke up with the sun glaring down at me. My head hurt like hell (on the left side, where a sinus felt like it nearly exploded on a flight the previous day). I went and hung out with some friends. I mostly stayed quiet - nothing to say, wasn't gonna force the issue.
I have no idea if I'm doing the right thing here. I feel like that if I follow the edict of the dream and spend time trying to talk, I'll fall into the same old stressed-out misery that I've been in. And if I don't do what the dream tells me, I'll be denying my fate, kinda like Oedipus (thanks for the reference there, ailie). Ahwell.