I've realized, not just now but a while back, that I don't enjoy most other
English majors. There are really only four types:
1. The
laid-back kind of people who have maybe one or two English-major friends. These people have friends of various disciplines, but many tend to be
science-minded. They are the most social of the four types. They enjoy
human interaction...cherish it, because they often have to isolate themselves to bury their noses in
books.
2. The
quiet, intelligent types who are truly thinkers. These are the English-major
stereotypes. They like to read (or write). A lot. And their opinions must be sought for or read about. In social settings, they are the
people-watchers. Their eyes quickly dart from person to person, while keeping an ear to the conversation. They talk slowly and deliberately, making sure no
ums and
likes slip into their sentences, always searching their built-in
thesaurus for more accurate words. Good people, these.
3. The "
specialized" snobs who only major in English to read every book in one genre. They like to refer to themselves as "
buffs." They cannot be bothered with any other kind of literature other than what they came to study. They tend to allow the vocabulary of their interest to creep into their own
vernacular. Sci-Fi buffs cannot
grok why the post-modern British guys only
snog with the 19th century British girls, who, like the characters in their preferred books are just looking to
get married and settle down.
4. The
pretentious, opinionated, loud English majors. They enjoy
name-dropping. When listening to a conversation one often thinks that the speakers are in competition. Who's read which book, and oh, I've read that too, but have you read his
essays?? They
quote often and then scold the listener if the quote isn't picked up. They use the major's jargon in daily speech. They mutter about
synecdoche and are eager to place their readings into their clearly divided
-isms.
ugh. I'm tired.
That's enough.