I recently made this incredibly lame attempt at creating some rice'y food product. Let me share with you what you really, really shouldn't do when trying to cook rice:

1. Don't read the instructions on the package, no, really don't read them. I don't mean just skim them over and move along, don't even *look* at them, you know what you're doing, it doesn't matter!

2. Turn the wrong burner on, and don't realize it until the rice has been soaking in lukewarm water for 20 minutes. This does wonders for it, really! (I realize it may be difficult to be that absent-minded, but just be noding at the same time and it will be much easier.)

3. Be sure to repeatedly take the lid off as it cooks, just to check on it, make sure it's doing alright. Woo, look at all that steam!

Never, ever do those things when you're cooking your rice. Trust me, it really doesn't work well, and leaves you with quite the interesting end product, though it's not too entirely appealing.. or edible.