Advance.
Retreat.
She moved in and out of my life like
waves.
Worked her way in, shared life then it's pack-up, pull-out,
recede.
She was my justice. She
justified everything simply by being.
Her possession was a My Little Pony. Light shade of purple, sparkling. It wasn't prized. She didn't win it. It was hers. She said it brought her calm in everything she did. When she left, the Pony sat on my bathroom sink. I didn't guess anything.
Sometimes in the mornings she'd get up early and scare me up, or if we both got up we would sing songs while she ran a comb through my hair or against the dresser. It made a nice sound either way.
I wanted to name our Pony Justice at first but she came up with Serenity and I thought that sounded better.
Days slipped by until a month was over, and she said good-bye. Serenity stood on the bathroom sink, waiting.
At first, the silence was unbearable. I'd sit and think, think about how I should've asked her out this time, asked her to stay. But I knew that wouldn't work because if we were going out I'd want to hold hands with her while we walked or talked. She didn't like holding hands, she said it made her feel dependent, attached. Besides, we had an understanding, and that understanding included Serenity.
I felt a need for release, an opening. I felt unhealthy, unbalanced. But the anguish didn't come. Serenity sat at the bathroom sink. We weren't really separated.
I felt a ticking as I sat and waited. The first few hours were always the worst. At first I felt it, but then I began to hear it as well. I rummaged through my belongings and found a watch, counting the seconds. I brought it to my ear and felt it ticking.
The anxiousness is the worst part. I had to do something about the tense feeling I got everytime I got up to move. I looked up at Serenity. She looked back.
And then I realized it. The ocean had left something behind for me, something very important. Something that made the days until July seem like seconds. I brushed my hair, exchanging wary looks with the Pony. I took the pony and looked at her and for a moment, brought my attention off myself and my glaring insecurities. As I looked deeper, they died down to a glow, a flicker, nothing. I felt the calm wash over me in soothing, monotonous waves. We had an understanding.