or
A Treatise on the Classifications and Grades of Costless Consumption
Grade A: Free food for
those that don't need free food.
Example:
"Interviews with Romain (A beer and wine industry lobbyist) and lawmakers
indicate the spouses alone received about $5,500 worth of the free food..."
--from
Modern Brewery Age
There were seven spouses, which equals to about $785.72 per wife of politician.
This amount was spent in a total of 6 days, so about $130.95 dollars a day
of free food. If you can manage it, it's not exactly a bad deal.
Grade B: Free food as mass-market advertising
Example:
McDonald's road2rewards program
"This program (along with other programs done by companies like Evian)
demonstrates an emerging model of loyalty for the future. Companies that cannot directly
track customer transaction data will be well served by self-reported on-line
programs."--www.loyalty-rules.com
Back in the day, they just handed you the coupons at the
dentist's and
when
Smokey the Bear came and talked to Mrs. Snoddgrass' fourth grade class.
Just pulled out the trusty calculator, and with the rewards program you get
a free
value meal for every (drum roll please) $62.50 you spend. Maybe
I ought to take this off the free food section...
Grade C: Specialty meats.
Originally limited to what your
thrifty feline friends brought you
at night, newly enlightened state
legislatures are allowing all sorts of
tasty treats.
Example:
"Tennessee seems to lead the pack when it comes to these things
making the national news. A couple of months ago the New York Times ran an
article detailing the legislature's program for the spring. They were most
interested in the bill which would make it legal to pick roadkill off the
road and eat it without telling state wildlife services. Tennessee has one
of the highest poverty rates in the nation, by the way. "-- The Daily
Illini
God bless my home state.
Grade D: The Fruitcake.
Example:
"According to Rose Murray, a Canadian cook, fruitcakes taste
better when they’re created weeks before the holidays. They become moist
and mellow and improve in flavor, especially for those aged in alcohol or
even fruit juice. The cakes keep well for months, sometimes years, if stored
properly." --
Farm Service Agency, sponsored by tax-backed dollars.
Grade AA:
"I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one"--