ensnared at arms-length
I fight her law of gravity
and dive below the surface in search of quiet
to hear the voice of reason
but even here she corners me
so we pass the rebreather between us
one breath each at a time
from 40 feet below
we both know
above us the ice is getting thinner
and I want to cauterise my nerves enough that my fingers won't feel
the weight of a diamond
or how warm skin radiates under wet silk
still we would not come up for air
so tonight
when I spit curses into her face
and blame her for our ruin
still she absolves me with what's left of her breath
as if it were not me
who gave rest to her heels on my shoulders
or played marionette and cast those obscene shapes
studying her gaze
in search of perfect alignment
as if it were not I
that devoured her in the sheets
and induced the fever
To earn the flaying of my back
and my righteous penance
when I suck the perfume from her lungs
and she sends it back onto me
in paroxysms undulating from her lips
I don't avert my gaze
from her terrible exaltation
but I learn this is the closest I will ever get
to this feminine cosmic horror
who insists on climbing the gate
to rip the brick from my stomach
and build a home in this liminal space
as if it could be a place to forget that
we were doomed never to collide
but run parallel instead