I am a nobody.
I hate being a nobody.
Throughout school, I was a weird nobody and the only thing that got me through it was the idea - no, the guarantee - that someday I would be a somebody.
Someday people would care about what I have to say. They would care about what I'm doing in my life and celebrate the things I would accomplish.
But in order to be somebody, I have to work for it. I never learned that part.
Being somebody to two or five people isn't enough. You aren't a somebody unless you're known the world over. But you can't be known the world over if you don't do anything.
I used to do stuff. Sing, write fanfiction, formulate speeches. I used to not even think of the implications of each activity.
It's all futile now. I'm nobody.
It's when the brain overthinks every detail of life, when it picks out every reminder of why what I do is bad and unworthy, when what I have done doesn't get enough/the right attention. I've convinced myself I am a nobody.
I recognize this, yet I'm still a nobody. I'm still convinced I'm too broken, too sensitive, too angry to be anybody.
Am I destined to be a nobody?
Will I ever defeat my anxieties to become somebody?
Or will I ever just accept that I'm only a somebody to a select few?
What am I doing?