A friend of my mother's had been married for 16 years, had 3 children. The marriage was good enough, not a lot of passion left but they were comfortable together and my mothers friend was happy with her man. Even if she did wonder now and again where things would go and if they could have gone better.

One day her husband got up out his chair just having finished a cup of tea.

"I'm just going out for some cigarettes, before the shop closes. Back in a minute."

And that was it. No argument. No fighting. Nothing. He just disappeared.

26 years later, the kids all grown up and the woman living on her own she hears a knock at the door. She went to answer it and there's the husband standing there, key in hand.

"You changed the locks" he said, puzzled.

SLAM

She closed the door in his face and left him out there. She'd had over a quarter of a century to consider what she would do if he ever did re-surface as magically as he had disappeared. She needed more time to think it over though.

When making the decision to disappear, it is very important to understand that this is not a process that can be successfully accomplished overnight. For best results under normal circumstances, a minimum of four months is really necessary to successfully carry out the heroic actions necessary to leave your old life behind. This is certainly not an undertaking to be entered into lightly - be completely sure of yourself before you commit to this.

Destination

The first thing to do upon deciding to carry out this transformation is to determine where you plan to go. Your city of previous personal preference may not be the best choice if you have spoken to others about your love for it. Your destination should be outside of your current province/state. Do some research on it, figure out what you will do when you get there. Most importantly, decide on it and stick with this decision.

Once you have chosen a destination, you are ready to proceed with your disappearance. The first three steps should be accomplished simultaneously over the course of four months.

Step One

Cut personal ties with everyone who knows you. Drop out of every group, organization, social circle, bingo table and car pool that you are a part of. The most important thing to remember here is to accomplish this slowly: pull out too abruptly and your friends and associates will become immediately suspicious. Carrying out this step should require several months of missed meetings and unreturned phone calls. Build your absence up gradually until you no longer do anything with the people who knew you.

Step Two

Liquidate all your assets. Divest yourself of all stocks, property and possessions, except for a week's worth of clothes and other necessities (please note: a desktop computer is NOT a necessity). Sell your house if you are single and own one. Your house should be the last thing to be sold. Please note that if you are married, do not attempt to sell anything that is your spouse's or is jointly owned. This may mean that you won't be able to sell the house, but this can't be helped. Selling things that aren't totally yours brings all sorts of nasty consequences that will dog your disappearance, such as law enforcement and private investigators. They should be avoided at all costs. Get cash for everything you sell, and withdraw everything from your bank account, waiting as long as possible before actually closing it. Be very critical when deciding what to keep: everything has to fit into a suitcase (or two at the very most) by the time you leave, so keep only what is absolutely necessary. All these sales should close within as small a timeframe as possible; having them all close on the same day would be perfect but unlikely. Finally, do not sell your car, as you will need it for the early stages of your physical disappearance.

Step Three

Acquire false identification. While this isn't listed until step three, this really should be the first thing you do. Do not leave this until late in the process, as it will require a substantial length of time to acquire GOOD forgeries. These will be fairly expensive, but the cost and resulting quality is absolutely essential. A twenty dollar driver's license bought downtown is just not going to cut it. You will need a driver's license, a valid social security number, and a birth certificate. In some countries, you may need other pieces of identification, such as health cards. You will need two sets, two separate identities. By the time you have completed the two steps above, you should have your two new identities, the first of which should reside in a neighbouring city / county to your present home.

Step Four

Sell your car to the first of your fake identities. To achieve this, you need to open a post office box in the name of this false identity in their home city/county. Register the car with the DMV in this county, and get insurance. The rates are not a concern, as you will not be paying them.

Step Five

In the week before your departure, you should make a point of seeing each of your good friends once. When asked about where you've been, answer vaguely but reassuringly. This should be sufficient to keep them from becoming overly concerned about your absence for at least a couple of weeks. Once the last sale of your previous property has closed, destroy all your current identification. This means thoroughly burning it. Place in your wallet the identification that you registered your car with, along with one hundred dollars of your cash. Place the rest of your cash in a briefcase or other suitable container. Load your remaining belongings into your car. Now back out of your garage and DRIVE.

Step Six

Sell your car in a different state/province, using the identification under which you registered it. Choosing a near opposite path to the one you will eventually take to your chosen destination will help throw off anyone who decides to attempt to follow your footsteps. Now get rid of this set of identification (once again, fire will do the trick). Place your second set of identification in your wallet. There is now nothing to tie you to your old life. Get on a bus and ride it to your destination. Do not fly there directly, as airlines keep much more thorough records than bus lines. If flying is essential (your eventual destination happens to be a Carribean island) then take a bus somewhere else first. Carry your briefcase of money with you at all times. Do not put it in a luggage compartment or leave it unattended anywhere. This is your future life. Have this stolen, and you'll have disappeared, sure, but you'll be begging on the street instead of living it up in your new condo.

Step Seven

You're free. Build a new life and enjoy it this time.

Based on an article of the same name, by Chris Bethea.

See also:
How to be a Sneaky Bastard
How to fake your own death
What do you do when nobody cares anymore, not even yourself

This book inspired the title of a Radiohead song on the album kid a. This song was written in 1997 iirc after an awful gig at the Royal Dublin Showgrounds in Ireland. The line "I float down the Liffey" is a testament to this. "Strobe lights and blown speakers, fire-works and hurricane". This gig was followed by one in Galway which Thom Yorke once cited as his favourite performance.The song itself is a haunting blend of near discordant string arrangements and lyrical anguish.