Step-by-step Guide for Men
(complete with Difficulty Levels* for each step!)
1. Locate a suitable spot for upright urination.
Standard examples would include: men's toilets; bathroom; next to a tree (preferably discreetly). More adventurous possibilities include: through your next door neighbour's letter box; out of a car window; into any container that is at a higher level than your penis.
Difficulty Level: Moderate
2. Unzip your fly.
Difficulty Level: Easy
3. Locate your penis.
Difficulty Level: Variable
4. Pull your foreskin back
This prevents dangerous phenomena such as "dual urine trajectory" (aka "collateral damage").
Difficulty Level: Easy (non-circumcised) or Impossible (circumcised)
5. Adopt one of the standard urination poses
- Two-hand Hold - for enhanced aiming
- One-hand Rodeo Hold - one hand held in the air for dramatic effect
- One-hand Drunkard Hold - one hand propping your body up against a hard object in front of you (wall, tree, etc.)
Difficulty Level: there is a urination pose for every occasion. As long as you choose the correct one, you should find this phase Easy
Make sure to aim away from your feet, and keep your hands away from any "side spray" (which should have been eliminated by phase 2). A detailed explanation of quite how "free urination" should be performed is not necessary, as experience has shown that even very young children are quite capable of this muscular action.
Difficulty Level: Moderate
7. Gradually shift aim
As the power of the urine starts to dwindle, shift the aim upwards to maintain a safe trajectory.
Difficulty Level: Hard - this requires concentration, coordination, and years of experience
8. Shake your penis
Shake the penis a few times to disrupt the surface tension of any urine remaining near the exit end of the urethra. This will help to prevent wet patches forming on underwear.
Difficulty Level: it really depends on your attitude - if you don't mind splashing your clothes and face with urine you will find this step particularly enjoyable and Easy. More aesthetically aware urinators may find it Difficult to control the shaking to their own liking
9. Penis re-insertion
Carefully re-insert the penis into underwear and zip up fly.
Difficulty Level: normally Easy, however it is potentially HAZARDOUS
10. Wash hands
If a sink or other source of water is available, you should wash your hands (a toilet is not considered a source of water for these purposes). Be especially careful not to splash water on your clothes - people will think you are an uncouth urinator and all the effort you put into steps 1-9 will be wasted.
Difficulty Level: Moderate (loss of concentration at this late stage can cause difficulties)
* Difficulty Levels are only applicable to a sober urinator